Dear new therapist,
I just finished a phone call with our MH advocate who has been fielding concerns from you that we, C's parents, are continuing to be uninvolved and noncompliant with her current RC treatment plan. MH has asked me to reach out to you to make sure we have the same information as related to C, her current connection with family and where we go from here.
As her current Clinician I first want to share with you my insights into why I think she is showing as much success as she is at her present placement right now.
1) she is wrapped very tightly there, from what I know, with a lot of supervision and a lot of monitoring
2) she does not have a lot of contact with family to trigger her emotional reactivity
3) she is not engaging in extensive trauma therapy which also really triggers her emotional reactivity and
4) she is not taking a Prozac product (which I am convinced triggers rage episodes and SI thinking in her.)
I wonder if you can imagine how difficult it is to admit that for my child - connecting to family and processing family memories triggers in her episodes of reactivity so severe that she can then not manage except to self-harm? It is a tough pill to swallow. But we have been at this for a long time now and I can tell you that I know all four of the above to be true for her.
So, when I say to you that I am not interested in engaging in family therapy right now it is not because I am uninvolved, don't care enough about my child, or just can't carve out enough time for her. It is because I desperately want to avoid triggering her in a way that makes her seek for a method to hurt herself. She has come close to doing serious damage way too many times already, and I simply do not know you well enough, or honestly have enough of a therapeutic trust in your skill level with her yet, to be able to take that risk again.
I really need for you to understand that C is our daughter. And though she did not come to us by birth, and did come to us with a great deal of traumatic baggage, we love her and care deeply about her future. I need you to understand that because I need you to help her understand that. When she says to you that she believes we never should have adopted her if we were just going to throw her away, I wish you could help her shift that perspective. When she says to you that she isn't worth anyone's time, I wish you could help her to remember the many positive connections she has with home and family. When she says she has no family because what kind of family leaves their child in residential for three years, I wish you could help her to understand how much we want her to heal and how hard this has been on everyone. I know your primary job as her therapist is to empathize with her, take her perspective and be her advocate, but I am asking you to really try to take a leap here and help her to understand that she is and always will be a beloved member of our family, and that although she will not be returning to the family home to live, because this just isn't the best place for her right now, the family home will always be her family home. This is not new news for C. We began this conversation when she was in her last placement and made it very clear when she was hospitalized over the summer getting ready to head to you that the most likely path for her would be to transition from you to a group- home setting closer to home and then on to transitional living towards adulthood. She was not able to hear that plan last summer. As is her pattern, she was too triggered and became reactive before she could grasp any of the big picture. In my opinion, this is the healthiest, most logical next treatment plan goal for her - to help her remember, believe in and maintain her grasp of herself as a member of a family even as she takes the next critical step towards transitional living and adulthood. If you can help her to do that, and she can stay regulated in the process, we stand a chance at helping her to continue to heal. I am hopeful that we can pull together to do just that.
I apologize if my words came out in any way accusatory or judgmental. My goal in sharing is to attempt to find some common ground. Let me know what you think after taking some time to digest it all.
