The Attachment Continuum

It was actually refreshing to be part of a conversation a few days ago about how to help a mom form an attachment with her twin grand-daughters because she is choosing to take on the gargantuan job of fostering them as their substance-addicted mother heals. It made me remember my many years as an 'attachment-mom' while my bio children were young. Baby-wearing, nursing-on-demand, kangaroo care, child-led sleeping and eating, sequencing, - so many of those strategies that I really so strongly believe in did help me form an undeniable bond with my first born daughter and my son. Attachment parenting works. So, with that in mind, isn't it ironic that I would next welcome into my life a child with a full-blown attachment disorder? Opposite end of the continuum. Way opposite. How much can that rubber band of parenting actually stretch before it snaps?

You Have to Solve it in Layers

There were a lot of really great things about this year's VFAFA Conference - it felt good to be able to share my journey with others who not only could relate, but could be helped. My favorite piece, however, was probably the words of the teenager who was able to solve the rubics cube when he said; "you have to do it in layers."

Isn't that profound?  The work that we are doing can't really be solved piece by piece/section by section/once it is solved then we can move on.... It has to be solved in layers that slowly build on one another.

I'm grateful to know so many people who are willing to work this particular puzzle.

Are You Avoiding Me?

So it's been three weeks since I've heard from Cheyann. She is not returning calls or messages. Her bio Dad did get through at one point and basically got an earful about how we are all ruining her lives and "up in her s---".  I guess she didn't handle our input and advice as to logical next career steps for her. I know she has a new boyfriend because of Facebook. And I know she is struggling with her depression; again because of Facebook. The following are examples of her last few posts. I'm not commenting on them - I guess the fact that she hasn't unfriended me is one positive, and at least I can get some idea of where she is and what she is up to.

Oprah on Trauma

Two great current trauma articles.



https://confessionsofanadoptiveparent.com/3-reasons-traditional-parenting-doesnt-work-with-kids-from-trauma/









https://www.cbsnews.com/news/oprah-winfrey-treating-childhood-trauma/

I Am Trying You Know

"I am trying. I know you don't see it, but I am."   After some initial excitement about the possibility of Job Corps as the next logical step, Cheyann has now decided that it isn't for her. Unfortunately, the one job prospect that was on the table also fell through, and to make things even more complicated once she officially graduates from high school in June she is no longer eligible for the group home where she now resides. So, if no Job Corps, then what? Her bio dad is still hovering around but will soon return to his job in another state. He would like for her to go with him so he could continue to help her transition to "adulthood" and stay relatively stable, but she doesn't want to go. I do see that she is trying. She has made some decent strides in the year since she has been back in her home state, but real life is rearing it's head and she is just about out of time. She somehow still thinks that she can just pick up and find a job somewhere and hang out with others her age in some random apartment. At this point most I can do is to continue to offer her what I think are the best options for this time in her life. And pray that she can find her way.