It has been a really different kind of summer. Cheyann has not done at all well in her facility and has been up and down since she entered in early June. Late night calls to share current behavioral crises happen at least weekly and I feel really helpless much of the time. Her self harm behaviors have become more dangerous - they had to call a Code Blue on her last week because she tied a shirt around her neck so tightly she stopped breathing - and more frequent, happening at least weekly. Nobody on her team feels like the place she is in is the right place for her, and all agree that it is doing more harm than good, but systems are slow-moving beasts and we are all forced into wait mode. The quiet is actually somewhat unsettling... and not at all something I am used to. On the plus side, I have been able to get in a lot of reading, some kayaking and some traveling. On the minus side, I have been forced to do way too much thinking about what might have been.. and fighting off the hopelessness I know she is drowning in...
Juxtapose that next to the excitement of Melissa's graduation, our trip out west, and the countdown to new, first grandbaby... and it is no wonder that I am exhausted. What an emotional roller coaster.
And in the meantime.. the middles of the oreo cookie continue to just plog along. Donald's mission trip is going well - also ups and downs but altogether well, and Lynn has been very busy with normalized kid stuff.. which is refreshing for her and is helping her to heal.
We just have to keep on keeping on.. and wait for the system-beast to shift.
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