Attitude Adjustment Needed

One of the benefits I enjoy as an employee of a public school is that for the most part I get summer vacations off. This was actually one of the reasons I chose the career I did. I knew early on that if I had to return to the world of work, I wanted to be on my children's schedule so I could be sure to have a lot of time with them. So now that we are on the cusp of Spring Break, why do I find myself actually dreading the upcoming summer break? It gives me a lot to think about. Clearly a lot of it is because, let's face it, parenting my truamatized kiddos 24/7 without the benefit of their added support network is absolutely exhausting. Probably not a lot more is needed to be said in this regard. If you parent children from trama.. you know what I'm talking about. But I think for me this year, it's more complicated. As I prepare myself to say some "goodbyes" to my birth children - my oldest getting married in one short month and my son heading off for two years to serve his mission for our church, I realize that my biological clock is confused. It is sensing that if not for the younger three children added late to our family mix, my summers would now be looking like this:

 

But instead.. my summer will probably look more like this:

 

 

I know.. I need an attitude adjustment. I know.. there are so many positive things about having youngers around. I know..I signed on for this and I know.. most likely I would be really bored and lonely if not for them.. but my heart just isn't feeling it today.  It might have something to do with the fact that it is snowing and sleeting outside.. in mid April.  I could use a "just hang in there, I hear you!"   Uggh.