Breaking Families

So, the interesting thing about the idea of a family never breaking is that as I reflect back on our journey as a blended family, I think that is kind of what happened.. but I am getting ahead of myself so let me back up a little..  My Blog is actually named after a book I have written with the same title; and the words themselves came from my now 13 year old daughter, Cheyann, who was just 5 at the time and soon to be adopted. Our family was just coming off a year of full blown RAD-type behavior including wallpaper being ripped off walls and stuffed in grates, kicking and hitting classmates, locking adults out of cars and houses, all kinds of stealing and lying and general raging, frequent public self-stimming and zero fear of strangers. Although we were still committed to this child who had wormed her way into our hearts, we now had a much better idea of what we were in for and it was a little scary. I thought I had had a pretty good idea of what we were getting into as foster/adopt parents. I was wrong.  One day, after a particularly rough week of behaviors, I was driving Cheyann home from daycare. It was a quieter time where things were relatively calm and regulated when I heard a small voice from the back seat call out to me - 'this family will never break"  I have never forgotten that.. and I still go back to that day, during those times when things get really rough, to help me remember. This young child who in her short 5 years of life had already experienced the 'breaking' of two families, was desperately hoping, and continues to hope to this day, that this time, her new adoptive family, would stay whole. And so we push on.

So the breaking idea?  Well, I think when you bring a new child into a home with already established roles and routines, that family structure has to be broken in order to allow for the new sprout to take root and grow. This is hard work and can be very painful for everyone. I have faith that the end result will be a beautiful newly grafted family that just would not be the same without the addition of our three adopted 'youngers'. We just have to navigate all of the 'hard' that is in the middle... and this is our continuing journey.